On Searching for Silver Linings
Walk into the wind
head down, hood up, face the storm
Storm warnings across the country. Feel I am getting ready to face a storm of another kind though….
Went out today and felt I was fighting against the wind to move forward, trying to stay upright, getting pushed back, everything such an effort. That’s how I felt towards the end of chemo last year, just trying to get anywhere was like walking against the wind or dragging feet through snow or sand. It was like i was wearing ski boots half the time!
Still can’t believe more chemo is on the cards already. Just when I felt I was getting back on my feet again. Neuropathied feet though… my nerve endings still haven’t recovered from the last bout even though that finished nine months ago, a pretty common side effect of a taxol-family drug. They might never recover.. still feel very strange. Not sore, just strange. Numb, tight, like I’m wearing socks even when I’m not, but socks made of crunchy paper. Can’t quite tell where they are so still a bit unsteady. Have to be careful going up and down stairs. Can’t be bothered with uncomfy shoes anymore – life’s too short, eh?! Just have to hope this new chemo is kinder to my feet than the last one otherwise we might have to stop as it’s always a fine balance between quality of life vs cancer killing properties. Would just be a shame if I had to stop a chemo that was actually working because of neuropathy. As the old joke goes – I have one nerve left and you’re getting on it, cancer!!
Oh well, best foot /feet forward and all that…should try to enjoy the calm before the storm….
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