So, no crazy parties, drunkenness or decadence last night for me but a quiet evening with friends and a few glasses of fizz. A whole lot better than last year though which started with me hooked up to various toxic things in the chemo ward and ended with Spooky, my partner, coming down with hideous food poisoning about two hours before the bells. I couldn’t drink, felt spaced out and grim (although nowhere near as grim as the poor vomiting, toilet-hogging Spookster did) but did manage to go outside under a starry sky at midnight to try and glimpse the fireworks exploding over Edinburgh. I took a quiet moment to reflect on the mixed bag of a year that had just passed and be thankful for the good things that had happened. I raised a toast (with a cuppa) to those that I had to say goodbye to that year – some younger women like myself, met online or in real life who, sadly, hadn’t been so lucky in their dealings with the big-C.
I can’t believe a whole year has passed since then, in what seems like the blink of an (eyelashless, eyebrowless) eye. The brows are back now (tattooed!), the hair, well sort of.
And here we are once again. The start of the new year holds so much promise… you have a blank page on which to write. A new beginning. In your head you can be who you want to be… the healthier, happier, more successful, more organised, tidier, more zen-like, confident, fitter *delete as appropriate* you. At this point in time your resolution(s) is intact, your willpower seems set to hold and you truly believe you can achieve anything. Lose that weight? Sure. Write that novel? Why not. Take up meditation, learn Finnish, eat more quinoa, swap your Chardonnay for camomile tea…it’s all possible at this moment in time. That’s until life kicks in over the next few weeks, your resolve crumbles, so does the cookie you hoover up in your desperate cupboard grazing and the painting or pilates or poetry or whatever you thought you’d take up gets bumped for everyday boringness. At this moment in time though I am filled with excitement at the possibilities and positivity the new year might bring. I am also filled with slight fear though. I know cancer doesn’t play by the rules. Things are stable for me just now but I everything could change in a heartbeat. I don’t know what’s in store and I know I can’t take anything for granted… I need to make the most of the coming months, fill my time with happy stuff, make the most of the good times. I am going to try and get fitter, eat healthier, get happier. I am also going to get writing and painting and posting here. I am going to try and post a poem a day, a photo a day and document my attempts to up the happy in my life. Probably overambitious but aim high I say…
I hope you too are optimistic about the coming year and the plans you have. Here’s to happier times ahead!